Monday, June 9, 2014

Moody Monday's: Can you be your own dentist while curing acne with a cheese grater?

I have decided to step out of the box this week and post something a little different. I wrote this piece eons ago while writing for a writing challenge on HubPages. The challenge was started by a man named Stan Fletcher. He was well known across the HP community by his quick whit and sense of humor. At least once a month he would throw out a challenge to those interested in spreading their wings and trying something new.
I found these writing exercises invigorating, filling me with a faucet of ideas, and a chance to tap into another side of my writing. (I called it my warped, Redneck, dark humor.) 
If ever you find yourself lacking for an idea or challenge, check out...Stan Fletcher's Killer Ideas For Your Next Hub. 
(Just a note: what you are about to read is not for the weak of heart or weak stomach. Don't try this at home. This was simply a writing challenge.)

How To Be Your Own Dentist While Curing Acne With a Cheese Grater
Dear Mr. Stan Fletcher,
Just to let you know, I could never be my own dentist. I can’t stand the thought of using a foreign object to dig away at an abscessed tooth. However, I have been asked to be like a dentist to help someone else out.
Here is my idea of helping someone (in this case a poor teenager) to be their own dentist, while curing acne, with a cheese grater.

Open wide! This will only take a moment...
All it takes is a little imagination.
Children, bless their hearts, are plagued by a deadly chocolate disease that brings on a contagious case of acne. Their teeth begin to rot as their face pops out with spots, so it is handy to have some dental knowledge when dealing with high profile cases.

To get started you will need:

1 bottle of cherry flavored NyQuil (per child)

Fishing pole with heavy test line

Cheese grater (the hand held kind are the best)

One puke bucket (per child)

It will take a couple bottles of cherry flavored NyQuil to get the numbness going, followed by a bit of a buzz. Be sure to keep the fishing pole, with a heavy test line, and cheese grater handy. It also helps to have the puke bucket close by (it doesn't matter if it is for you or the kids).

Are you ready?
While they are experiencing a sugar high, dope them up with a couple bottles of cherry flavored NyQuil to prepare them for the dental work. Have them prop themselves up on pillows while lying on the couch in a comfortable position, head tilted back. Jaws opened wide, tie the end of a fishing line around the deteriorated tooth, making sure all the slack is taken up. Make sure to distract them with humorous pictures, or jokes, to keep their mind off the upcoming pain.

Now, once everyone is primed, give the fishing pole a hard yank. If properly prepared, the agonizing tooth should come flying out with ease. (Careful not to loose the tooth so the child may give it to the tooth fairy.)

Problem with acne? No Problem!
With the offending tooth out of the way, the parent is able to focus on the troublesome acne. Using a cotton ball dripping with rubbing alcohol, smear it along the troubled spots. This will not only clean and disinfect, but has a numbing agent to coincide with the NyQuil. A cheese grater with a long handle works best when scrubbing off the acne. Once the white heads have bled, reapply the rubbing alcohol to re-clean and disinfect. The child is now ready to face the world with a chipper smile and rosy face.

© tlpoague

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