Moody Monday's: Kicking Fear to the Curb

tlpoague

I am in a mood this morning. It isn't one that can be quickly labeled. It is more like a swirl between the worlds of negative and positive. I am discouraged but not to the point of quitting. I feel determined but not at the level of success I desire. I am feeling encouraged and yet beat down. Oh, let's face it, I am a walking contradiction this morning.

I have been in a mood to write, but found myself lacking the desire to write online. I have tried to be sociable but find myself lacking in spirit. Could it be because I placed an unrealistic expectation on others, or myself? I have never been one that could smoothly fit in, because of that, it has become a stumbling block for me.

I have also placed upon my path the task of finishing projects I started months ago. This latest one was a quilt for my grandson to go with the log bed his grandfather made him.

Did you know you can sew a complete project with your thread threaded wrong? I didn't but found out the hard way this week. 

The log bed Grandpa made Little J.
photo by tlpoague

I also found that I have this problem. It keep holding me back from things that are so simple to achieve. It causes me to doubt myself and question every step I take. He also likes to call upon his buddies to hold me back from overcoming this problem.

His name is Fear.

I felt it as a child when I would give my heart to the world to only have it crushed by his friends Envy, Ego, Rejection, and Criticism. It didn't take long for his friends and him to dig their claws in for a long party.

“You're too stupid.”

“You'll never amount to anything.”

“Why do you even try? You always fail.”

Those are words that hung out with Fear.

Soon I began to believe them.

Then one day I woke up with a feeling I never knew before.

Her name was Desire.

I desired to find a way to overcome Fear.

I desired to write, to sing, to finish something...anything.

I desired to achieve the things I had given up for various reasons.

Slowly over time, I have met those goals.

I may not be a famous writer whipping out books by the masses, but I still love to write and share it with others.

I may not be at a Martha Steward level in creativity but know I can do anything I set my mind to.

I may not be able to belt out a tune anymore, without causing the dogs to howl, but I still have the desire to try.

While on the phone to my mother and sister this week, I was telling them about my dilemma with my quilt. I feared screwing it up. I didn't want to cut the pieces then it be too short. I wasn't sure about the design. I felt I had no clue what I was doing. 

It is still a work in progress.
photo by tlpoague

Then it happened.

Most of my fears came true.

Some of the pieces weren't right. Most of them wouldn't sew together. It bound up, thread broke, and measurements were off.

I adjusted the tension. I tested my decade old thread. I tried to blame the interruptions I endured while studying my problem. (How is it that when trying to work, one endures more interruptions and distractions than watching TV?)

Then it came to me clear as a bell, (and the fact that I finally pulled out my sewing book.) I had been threading my bobbin and needle wrong. This had affected the tension to sew the quilt properly. My measurements were off because I was trying to rush it. The thread broke because it was too old but still usable if I took my time.

Now I had a cross road to choose from....give up, tear it all out and start over, or improvise and finish it?

I choose the latter.

It may not be perfect but I will finish it.

Before, Fear would convince me to quit. I would tell myself it was too much. I didn't have the knowledge. Before, I would just dream about it, not try. That was before.

Now...now I know I can do anything...just kick Fear to the curb.

Welcome to Moody Monday

tlpoague

Welcome to the first Moody Monday Blog.
Are you having one of those days where you want to crawl back in bed and start the day over? Would you like to share your thoughts and feelings about it? Drift on over. You have come to the right place. I welcome you to Moody Monday.
Moody Monday was created as a way to express joys or vent the heart out. You can share any emotion that pulls your strings. (I will try to have the tissues ready if you need one. Laughs are life's best prescriptions.)
Just to give a brief description for those that would like to join the fun...there are no rules or commitments. Time is precious for a writer. Sometimes it is hard to commit to a new project. The only thing that I ask is to leave a comment to let others know you are here and a link to your Moody Monday. (Feel free to use the photo of Moody Monday. Just add the caption tlpoague) That way we can spread the love.
Grab yourself a cup and let's get this party started!

photo by momster

My mood today that I would like to share is CHAOS! I know, I know, chaos really isn't a mood but I feel like my mind is spinning enough to give myself whiplash. My emotions are like a roller coaster stuck in overdrive.
Organized chaos can only begin to skim the surface of what I am feeling, as I try to prep to get this blog ready. Excitement bubbled over starting something new. That quickly drifted to fear of screwing up. I was plagued with doubt. I did screw up trying to figure out the codes for my links. (I am by no means computer tech savvy.) My chest hurt as a panic attack threatened to freeze me in concern. (What made me think I was capable of pulling this off?)
"Take a deep breath..." I told myself as I saw spots form before my eyes.
What is the worst thing that can happen?
Focus. Focus again. There...that wasn't so bad. I made it. I have wrote my first blog on this step to an amazing adventure.
No worries that it will fail. If anything it is one more step to freedom as a writer. No more doubt. No more anguish. Only the outcome of something good.
I am a person. Flaws happen. I know I can get over my Fear of Failure...if only I try.

tlpoague 2014

Hello Silly Sunday! March 30, 2014

Photo by tlpoague

Good morning blogging world! Welcome back ! Drag up a chair, fill your cup, and welcome to my box of craziness. It is a fabulous day here with the sun shining and a whopping 70 degrees. I think we finally found Spring. 

Just a quick note, this will be my last Silly Sunday I will be posting. My writing schedule is looking to change this next month. Please bare with me as I sort out the details.

I will be starting a Moody Monday for anyone whom may be interested. Just send me a shout out if you would like to join. There are no rules and no commitment. I am working on getting a link inserted into my blog so you can link yours. I'll be beginning tomorrow. I think it will be a great way to share some joy or just vent your heart out.

I had an interesting phone call the other day. I called my mom for a change to check in and pick her brain for ideas. (I have had a crazy week of mixing up my days and nights that I feel fried my last brain cell. Of course, in my case, that doesn't take much.)

We started our little chat playing catch up with the family. She told me about the weather where she is, while I shared with her Pie's and Bean's latest adventures. (My week was pretty dull next to theirs.) Pie was at work one day when a cockroach decided to pay her a visit. He made his dramatic announcement by landing on her head as she was sorting statements. (I would have loved to been a fly on the wall to see that one.) Bean had to do some Redneck repairs to her kitchen sink. She had to conduct a massive blow out to a clogged drain. (I'm glad I wasn't there for that one. I hear the smell was awful!)

This conversation somehow led to April Fool's Day coming up. (Do you have your list of April Fool's gags ready?) I couldn't help but share about my famous Road Kill Jerky prank I wrote about. Mom said the best one she pulled was convincing one of my siblings to check their blinker fluid. (You know you are out of blinker fluid when the blinker doesn't turn on.)

Soon we were laughing as we discussed how this younger generation hasn't a clue about old fashion terms or items...such as...

What is a mothball?

Moth balls are toxic white balls that deter certain bugs from haunting your house. (My mother had asked a clerk this one day while shopping. When the clerk asked what a moth ball was...mom's reply simply was...if you don't know what one is, chances are you don't carry them.)

What is oleo?

Oleo is an old fashion term used back in the grandparent's day for butter. (One of my siblings thought this was a type of cookie.)

What is lard?

Lard is animal fat that has been rendered down to a solid substance similar to shortening. (My sister had fun trying to explain this one to a store clerk.)

The most priceless one that had me roaring was...

What is elbow grease?

I have lost count how many children have fallen for this one. (Myself included!) I was cackling with laughter watching a cousin search under every sink in the house and household product for elbow grease. When she finally exhausted herself, she stated, “I think we are out of elbow grease. I can't find any anywhere. (Her poor mother could hardly keep a straight face as she explained that elbow grease came from how hard you used your arm to scrub a spot. I thought my cousin was going to have a fit.)

As our conversation wound to an end, I told mom that Bean had pulled a good one on her boys. She told them to be careful how they acted, otherwise they would reap what they sow with their actions. One of them told her, he couldn't reap anything because he didn't know how to sew.

Ahh, look at the time. Well, I suppose I should pretend to get some work done. I thought about getting a pass to the gym, then I realized. Free exercise...clean house!

So, in closing, I would like to mention again that if you are interested in joining the Moody Monday, just let me know. (gabbyone72@hotmail.com) I will do my best to get you linked in. (Unless I can get that nasty button to work for me, then you can just add your link.)

Y'all have a good one and see ya Monday.

tlpoague 2014

Everything Susan

If you would like to read other Silly on Sundays, check out Everything Susan and RealHousewife.

Ordinary or Extraordinary?

Photo by tlpoague

Molly

She toys with the keys on the keyboard. Her mind like a blank canvas. The creation is there swirling about, but for some unknown reason won't birth itself. She taps out a sentence. It sounds awful...hopeless and depressing. Why won't the words flow like they are suppose to? Why does it seem so difficult tonight? How is it some people make writing look so easy? Presenting her with writer's block once again, these questions and more haunt her.  She hits delete, exits out of the window, and shoves herself away from the computer in defeat for now.

Colleen

She crochets five double crochet stitches in the row of her afghan. Stretching her project out, she counts how many rows  are needed to finish. Like a neon sign she sees a gap in her work six rows back. She realized that she had missed a stitch. The thought of leaving it tantalized her. Unfortunately, it was too obvious of a mistake to not correct. Slowly she began to unravel hours of work.

Eunnie 

She loved the feel of bread dough between her fingers as she kneaded the dough before her. She felt a calm wash over her with the squishing motion. There was something special, almost magical, about making bread from scratch. It would have been easier and quicker to do it in the bread machine her husband had bought her, but this was her preference. To give a part of herself to each creation. It was something that she felt was soon becoming a lost art when she reflected on others that were her age. She molded the bread into a ball. smoothed the sides and top with oil, and placed it in a bowl to rise.

Each of these women are ordinary women doing an every day task that they enjoyed. From the inside they see themselves as average, normal people. What makes them step from the boundaries of ordinary to extraordinary?
For myself, it was the ability to go beyond what was expected. I was told that I am not afraid to learn something new. (Ya...right, don't ask me to bungee jump off a cliff.) Each one of these women here are a part of myself. I learned at a young age homemaking skills that many at my age either forgot how to do, or don't know how to do it. I learned to hunt, fish, grow gardens, cook and bake from scratch, needlepoint, basic sewing, cross stitching, crocheting, and the list goes on. I love singing and writing. Many of my younger years were spent with my nose buried in a book if I wasn't helping my mother with something.
I am not writing this to brag. It had never really occurred to me how many talents I was blessed, from God, with until a friend pointed it out. I just assumed everyone could do the things I do.

Photo by tlpoague

Take camping for example. In today's world the first thing to come to mind when the word "camping" is mentioned is an RV. A mobile unit with all the latest gadgets of luxury. In my mind is a tent, sleeping bags, outhouse (if one was provided), and the knowledge of how to cook over an open fire. I guess the word used today is "survival skills". I was oblivious to the fact that some people can't cook on an open fire. It takes a lot of practice and a certain amount of talent to do it.
There are a lot of things that I can't do that I am glad God blessed others with the talent to do. I can't figure out computer lingo. I am lucky enough to know out how to attach a picture to this article. Things like how to place the html into a link to earn money on my adsense is complicated. I am horrible at math. I have a fear of heights and am impressed to watch people jump from planes or any other kind of height. (I nearly had a stroke to see my son in the derricks of an oil rig.)
My point to all this babble is to ask...has someone told you that they felt you were an extraordinary person?
Jesus took twelve ordinary men and turned them into extraordinary people that went beyond the call of duty. Yes, even Judas was an extraordinary person. He downfall was the mistake of letting the love of money overcome the love of his Savior.
If you feel ordinary, what do you think it would take to become an extraordinary person? Inquiring minds would like to know.

tlpoague 2014